What It Means To You
What Does It Mean To You - Defining Things Your Way
Something I have been loving doing with clients and with myself is re-defining what words mean to them and what they mean to me, and noticing how differently we see them based on our own personal lens.
Whether it is good or bad, it is so easy to have different opinions and feelings about certain words.
I wanted to talk about it here because the way we see things through our own subjective lens is a choice.
No matter how ingrained the belief is or how true the belief feels, it is always within our power to believe something different if we want to, or change what we are making those beliefs mean about our lives or the things in our lives.
A really good example of this is descriptive words.
Pretty / Feminine / Baggy / Classy / Relaxed / Eccentric.
Something being feminine may mean something completely different to you than it does to me.
Something being baggy or relaxed may mean something completely different to you than it does to me.
And one of my favourites that we talked about last week " PUT TOGETHER "could mean something entirely different... This is a favourite for people to use as a guide post or goal for their personal style but it's ultimately useless to you if you're using it against yourself or to put down where you are now. It's also useless if you don't have your own definition of what put-together actually is to you.
My point with this is you get to decide what these things actually mean to you.
You get to decide if something is feminine enough or not for you, relaxed enough or not for you, whether it is classy or put together. Not to be cliché but it is entirely in the eye of the beholder (you).
And let's not forget, we cannot control other people with what we wear. Your clothes are meant to be for you, not others.
Even if you could control the way people saw you through your clothes... you get to decide if you want that to be what your clothing is for or not.
Knowing that you get to decide what things means to you, and how you define your style is also extremely helpful when it comes to creating the aesthetic aspect of a style goal.
One of my words for my personal style aesthetic is feeling "feminine". I have had clients also pick this word. Not once will I try to get you to see femininity the way I see it, or dress the same way I do. I am always holding space for you to discover what "feminine" means to you. When you come into this powerful position of defining what something means to you and for you - defining something your way - everything changes.
This is what creates a feeling of security, trust, and confidence with yourself around your personal style. Because you are no longer looking for someone else to confirm that you got being "feminine" right. You just know that you feel feminine because of what you believe femininity means to you.
This is life changing. (It changed my life and my personal style completely).
The other thing to keep in mind is if you want to feel more feminine than you maybe have in the past or you want to feel more relaxed... you may have to re-define the way you see the word as well.
For example if you feel your style isn't very feminine, and you love the idea of it being more feminine, but you are telling yourself you aren't feminine enough, or you don't know how to create more femininity in your life and style... This is a moment when you get to choose to see the word differently or not, and when you get to choose what femininity is going to mean for you. Because you may relate to society's prescribed definition of feminine, but it might not entirely fit for you. That doesn't mean you don't get to be feminine, or the feeling feminine isn't for you. It means you get to define exactly what it does mean to you.
Another example of this is words like baggy / oversized / relaxed. The common worry is that you will look frumpy with this style or feeling being a part of your style. Again everyone is going to see baggy / oversized / relaxed and even the word frumpy differently.
Don't get me wrong, I am fully aware that there are societal norms and standards that make it seem like things can be not feminine enough or too relaxed. But this is where you have to decide who is dictating the decisions in your life; you or societal norms/standards.
What is baggy to me, might not be to you. You decide.
What is feminine to me, might not be to you. You decide.
What is bold to me, might not be to you. You decide.
And if you aren't sure where to find the feelings that you want to feel in your clothes these are some amazing questions to start considering that will help you narrow in on what really matters to you, how you actually want to feel in your clothes, and the vibe you want to give off.
Start journaling or asking yourself:
What inspires you?
Refills your soul?
What does that feel like? (Use one word emotions / feelings here).
How would it feel to align your style with these feelings and use them to guide what you wear/buy?
Mine are : Femininity / Warmth / Richness (Incase you were wondering ;))
YOU GET TO DEFINE WHAT THESE FEELINGS LOOK LIKE AND FEEL LIKE TO YOU.
My definition of feminine and your definition of feminine could easily be different. That's okay.
Same with my definition of free / relaxed / comfortable / classy / graceful... etc.
You just need to know what it means to you and what you want it to mean.
How it feels to you, and how you want to share/express that feeling.
Your power, control, and confidence in your personal style lies within you, not outside of you.
Look to yourself for your answers about who you want to be and how you want your style to reflect that.
Style is like art. It is an expression of you.
You get to make all of the decisions, and whatever you land on is 100% beautiful, worthy, and enough no matter what anyone else thinks.
Love & Trust Yourself