Style Identity Crisis
You'll know you're going through a style identity crisis if:
•You feel like you have nothing to wear
•Leggings are the only thing you feel comfortable in
•Getting dressed is not something you look forward to
•Shopping feels confusing and like there aren't any stores for you
•You also have a bunch of clothes from past eras of your life that make no sense together
•Lastly a lot of this all started with a life change - you started working from home, you finished schooling, you had a baby, etc.
When you first notice this it seems like it should be simple to solve. Just go get new clothes.
Did you notice when you went that nothing seemed to really work? You might have felt confused, and you were convinced there just weren't any good stores for someone your age and with your lifestyle?
If you're nodding your head yes to any of this, you are most likely having a style identity crisis. At least it seems like its just the clothes that are the problem.
The real problem stems from being in a position where you have the opportunity for the first time in your life to decide exactly how and what you want to wear, there are no rules, dress codes, and technically no pressure to fit in (explain how this is true once you aren't trying to be safe by conforming through work or school even though we may still feel societal pressure we are more aware that we don't have to opt in)
It's eye opening to say the least, when you realize that no one is telling you what to wear anymore and there are no expectation around what you should wear either.
You would think this would be freeing! and although it can be, the side effects of never having had to figure this out is that you now have the opportunity to but you have no clue what is right for you or how to figure that out. (This is wear I come in).
The problem that lies even deeper under this is our identities can be heavily wrapped up in our life experiences, instead of who we are.
If you're someone who went to school, or has been working a corporate job for years and now works from home, you may have lost part of who you without realizing it.
The same goes for if you just had a baby or the size of your body changed.
I get all of these all of the time, from clients who identify as a corporate woman with a dress code that made it clear what she was or wasn't allowed to wear, to now not knowing what to wear from home since she now knows she never actually really liked wearing dress clothes, AND also isn't entirely sure who she is anymore outside of her job.
The same goes for the clients I help that wore sizes xs/s in the past, and now needs a l/xl, but doesn't like what she wore in a smaller size on the body she has now. Her body changed, and when she was smaller she felt she could wear whatever she wanted. Now she doesn't think that, but doesn't know what she likes or who she is when her identity isn't centered around being in a smaller body.
This can go both ways though. I have had clients who were size xn /xl and used to dressing a certain way and identified their style so heavily with the way their body looked that when they lost weight and were wearing smaller sizes it felt difficult to find clothes they liked because their past way of styling themselves no longer aligned with the person they'd become and without their identity being tied to their old body they were also not sure who they were as a person.
And for all of the moms out there who don't want their wardrobe to feel so mom like. I'm not a mom, but I have clients who are and the thing I see over and over is that you love your kids, and you've created a beautiful life with your family, relationships, home, and job, but your identity is wrapped up in these things and clothes are an immense struggle because not only do you not know what you like, you are not sure who you are now that you have come all this way and accomplished so much.
In fact, for all of these clients when the family, friends, home, education, career, and lifestyle are stripped away, most were at a loss for feeling like they knew themselves fully and deeply.
I'm talking to the point where you're having trouble picking out 10 things you love about who you are NOW as a person. Intrinsic things that have nothing to do with other people or things in your life.
So if you feel like you are having a style identity crisis, or if after what I have just said you feel like you may have lost yourself in recent years, know that it's normal and being here is an amazing first step, because you're never really all that far away from yourself, and you're always welcome home in your own being.
Let's not stop here though!
I went through this too, between working in a store to working from home and my size changing, as well as just a general loss of knowing myself, and all my clients experiences, here are some things you can start doing now to come home to yourself and align your clothes and outfits with who you really are:
1. Keep notes or keep track throughout your days of everything you notice that you like.
After a few days cross reference and notice what those things have in common and why you like them. You can also notice the things you aren't really into so you can learn and get closer to what you do really like, and let go of things in your life that aren't actually supporting you.
2. Think about one thing in your life that when you are doing it you feel most like yourself, but don't stop there. Go deeper, how do you feel when you are doing that thing? Why do you like the way that thing feels? This will help you get a better idea of what you personally value and which feelings are most aligned with who you are.
3. The mirror exercise.
Get in touch with your body. Give yourself the gift of seeing yourself. It can be as simple as that, you don't have to think negatively, you don't have to think positively. Being willing to just see yourself, can tremendously help you actually get to know yourself because you can actually see who you are. Not to mention this helps tremendously with being able to find clothes more easily because you actually know what you look like.
4. Know that this is an amazing opportunity for self discovery. It's easy to feel scared and shy away from this (what will other people thing if I start discovering and living into who I truly am??) but you get to choose this opportunity that is presenting itself to you or staying with your identity and style as it currently is. My advice is not to hum and ha or feel unsure about what to do. Pick one and live into your choice, make the most of it.
Bonus: for your clothes, go into your closet and notice all the things you like without thinking about wearing them. Just notice what pulls you in naturally when there is no pressure to put it on. Those are good indicators for what you are personally drawn to for the person you are right now.
Lastly these are some mistakes and lessons learned that you can avoid:
1. Trying to fit in or still be the person you were before your life changed because your brain is telling you that life was easier back then or everything just worked out better. Our brains like to tell us this about things in our past, think of the time you were heartbroken over a guy you loved and it took you years to clearly see that he treated you horribly... rose coloured glasses for our past is a thing, don't let them trick you into believing your future cannot be even better than your past.
2. Telling yourself clothing and personal style isn't worth it or it's too much energy and time. Sub out style and clothing with the word you. Personal style is about you, it is a reflection of how you feel inside, and I promise you are worth it. This is never about buying a bunch of fancy new clothes, or making you someone you're not. It's about being yourself and using clothes as the powerful tool that they are to amplify it.
3. When you're avoiding taking the chance on something from the fear of it not working out, know that not trying guarantees that it will not work out.
4. YOU DON'T HAVE TO DO THIS ALONE. This is what I help women with all the time. I provide a safe space, expert advice, certified coaching, and transformational perspective.
If you decided that you want to take this opportunity to truly discover who you are and what your personal style is book a free consult call here: https://calendly.com/sullywittrock/consult
Love & Trust Yourself