How to Get Out of a Style Loop
Feel like you're stuck in the same loop of problems with your clothes, and there just doesn't seem to be a way to get out of the loop?
Today I'm going to share with you how to get out of the style loop you're stuck in, and how to connect with your clothes on a deeper level for more satisfaction.
Let me know if this seems familiar:
You're hoping the "right" clothes or pieces, will make you happy.
So you go out and get these pieces that other people advise work well or will make you feel good.
Or you saw something that someone else looked happy wearing, so you think it will do the same for you.
But when you get them and they don't give you the happiness you hoped they would, you lose hope in feeling happy in your clothes, so you in turn give up on feeling happy in your clothes.
You then go back to wearing the old things you have that don't work and have never really felt good to you...
Once you've been wearing the old clothes that you don't really like for a while you get tired of it, and you eventually slip back into hoping that "If I just had the 'right' clothes, I'd be happy."
And the loop starts over.
This is a pretty normal loop to experience. Which is why I'm going to share how to get out of this loop, or any loop that you are going through with your personal style.
We want to think personal style should be easier than we are experiencing it to be. And it certainly seems that it should be easier based on what we can see online.
Let’s be honest, you could google or watch a YouTube video on how to create a capsule wardrobe and you would find someone who will tell you exactly what to go buy right now that will look nice and work together well. Which you might be telling yourself is all you want... to just look nice in your clothes and have clothes that work together. Because that would make you happy...
It should be simple right? So why is it so hard?
I think the real underlying reason we don’t just go and order/buy the capsule wardrobe that is done for you is because we don’t want to go from feeling stuck where we are right now, to stuck somewhere else all over again. Because even though we want our clothes to make us feel happy, that isn't the majority of the experience we are getting from them. So our relationship with them is shaky.
Not to mention, you've experienced this loop before... so you're feeling skeptical of thinking new clothes will make you happy, HOWEVER, we eventually are re-convinced that "maybe you just haven't bought the right clothes yet." So you get hopeful all over again... the loop repeats, and the frustration grows and you feel stuck, a victim of the fashion industry, because nothing is really working but you really want it to.
I'm going to tell you the secret to why the clothes aren't making you happy...
It's because they can't.
Clothes are just clothes.
They cannot make you happy, and they cannot make you sad.
Our clothes don't make us feel anything. Our thoughts about them do.
Our thoughts are typically flying at 1000 miles per hour though so it can be incredibly difficult to even catch them before they've already come and gone and now you're just noticing that you feel upset...
It happens so fast that it seems like it must be the clothes fault, or our body's fault, that we feel upset.
The truth is the feeling that you are having is coming from the thoughts you are having about the clothes.
How do I know this is true?
Because you and I could look at a pair of pants and think completely different things about them.
I could think "I love them" which would make me feel joy or even love.
And you could think "I hate them" which would make you feel frustration or even hate.
The clothes don't make you feel anything, other wise we would all dress the same and be happy.
It's what you're thinking about them that makes you feel happy or upset about them. But because we attribute the frustration to the clothes, "it's the clothes fault that I feel like shit", we get stuck in a loop.
AND THIS IS HOW YOU GET OUT OF THE LOOP.
Step 1. Stop blaming the clothes, or your body, or what ever you think is "the thing" that is making you feel frustrated.
It's never anything but your thoughts.
Step 2. When you notice you're getting frustrated with clothes ask yourself, "Why am I frustrated?"
Your brain is going to love this because it's going to supply you with all of the "proof" as to why you are frustrated. Let it.
This is great (believe it or not), because you are now going to see all of your thoughts that you couldn't see as clearly before. I highly recommend writing them out so that you can clearly see that when you think this way about a piece of clothing, about your personal style, or about your body, that these are the thoughts that are making you feel upset, frustrated, or stuck, etc... not the clothes.
Step 3. Decide if you want to keep thinking whatever it is you're thinking about the clothes that makes you feel stuck and frustrated.
There are scenarios where you are going to want to feel frustrated and there are scenarios where you're going to want to feel happy. Which might seem counterintuitive, because we are often told that frustration is negative and we should avoid feeling negative things.
However, we all know life doesn't work like this, and sometimes we want to feel frustrated and sometimes we want to feel happy. I don't know about you, but I do not want to be happy about everything all the time. (how boring lol).
For example: It took me a long time to realize but...
I wanted to feel frustrated with not having clothes that didn't fit me because actually letting myself be frustrated drove me to seek out clothes that did.
Trying to be happy and pretend I wasn't frustrated about having clothes that didn't fit because I was scared of having a negative feeling (because if I was practising self love it meant only having positive thoughts and feelings) didn't actually help me get clothes that did fit. It just kept me stuck.
PLEASE NOTE: This is not what happens to everyone when they experience frustration though.
What your feelings drive you to do or not do is a very personal experience. Only you know if your feelings are making you do things you actually want to do. Which is why taking a moment to reflect on your thoughts and feelings about your clothes is invaluable.
So, if you notice that when you feel frustrated about your clothes it leads to you doing nothing, or just simply complaining, being confused, or ruminating about how nothing ever works... this might be the perfect opportunity for you to practise shifting your thinking so that you can feel something different (like inspired, motivated, playful, joyful, etc) that will make you want to change what is happening.
Only you can know what feeling is going to drive you to make a real change, so listen to your inner wisdom here.
But if you're like me and you're trying to cover up the frustration with a 'positive thinking' bandaid and nothing is changing, try leaning into the frustration and allowing the frustration to get you want you really want. Using the negative emotion could get you to the true positive feeling you wanted all along.
Step 4. Start feeling on purpose.
This looks you answering this one question: "If I want to feel happy about my clothes, what would I have to think about them?"
Get curious and playful.
I highly recommend writing out your answers so you can refer back to them.
The key to this step is when you pick a thought you think will make you happy, check in with your body to see that it actually does.
Don't just guess or think it will.
Pause and notice when you think the new thought. How does it feel in your body?
Notice if it feels like joy.
For example: I feel immense joy when I eat cake (and it's not because of the cake, because a lot of people don't feel this way when they eat cake). My point with this example is for you to find something simple in your life that you know you feel happy about so that you'll know if your new thought is actually creating that similar feeling of joy or not.
5. Practise this new self awareness in your real every day life, don't just think about it.
If you are stuck in a loop with your clothes can you pause and acknowledge what you are thinking about that is creating a feeling of frustration or a feeling of being stuck?
Take these steps and see if you can create even a small change. Whether that is simply thinking something about the clothes that you have never thought before, or letting yourself be frustrated and seeing where that takes you.
A small change is a change, and it is not a part of the loop. This is how you get unstuck. Seeing what is actually perpetuating the loop and making a change to the real cause of it, instead of just hoping you'll find the right clothes one day.
Deep down we know we want our personal style to be more than just looking good. We want to actually feel good in our clothes while looking good, we want to have fun in our clothes AND look good. And you can have both.
If you know you want to look good in your clothes, but you've noticed that isn't enough anymore, and that you want to actually experience long lasting joy in your relationship with your clothes, personal style coaching is for you.
Remember, to get out of the loop:
• Stop blaming the clothes.
• Ask yourself "Why am I frustrated?"
• Decide if you want to keep thinking the things that make you feel frustrated.
• Notice which feeling actually drives you to act differently and make a real change.
• Practise your new self-awareness in your real, every day life.
Love & Trust Yourself