Resistance
I'm sure there are many ways resistance can pop up in our lives, whether we notice it or not. Today I wanted to talk about my two favourite ways, or at least the two that I've noticed the most in my life and others.
This post will let you know how to tell when you are resisting something, what your resistance may be trying to tell you, whether it's a good or a bad thing, and how to stop resisting things you really want (like your big goals, confidence, or rest).
The Oxford definition of resistance is: The refusal to accept or comply with something; the attempt to prevent something by action or argument.
In this post I am specifically focusing on the refusal to ACCEPT something, and the attempt to prevent it.
I find resistance fascinating because it is always trying to tell you something, all you have to do is ask what it is about.
When it comes to the two ways I've noticed resistance the most, this question is a great place to start.
The first way I notice resistance in my life and others is resisting the way things are right now.
Examples of this being; unwilling to acknowledge the current state of your closet and personal style (whether you have purposely created one or not), avoiding truly looking at who you are right now: physical body, mind, and spirit, and being unable to accept who you are now.
With clothes specifically this looks like not accepting who you are right now or how you look right now. You are unwilling to dress the body you have now because maybe it used to be "better" or you don't want to until it is better. You'll know this is a resistance you're facing if you are limiting what you wear based on the way you look, waiting to wear things until you look different or until you think other people will accept who you are first.
Ex: Not wearing shorts because you don't have any that fit, and it's not okay for someone who is your current size to wear shorts, so it would be bad to buy and wear some. (what is interesting about this is we say this shit to ourselves but we would never say this to another woman, simply because we know it is not true and unnecessarily cruel).
The energy behind this is usually hateful.
You are resisting what is because "it's not right, acceptable, or okay".
But what if it was?
Lastly you'll notice this kind of resistance in your life if you are resisting what is, because there is a fear that acknowledging and accepting it means you will be stuck there forever.
The reverse is what is true, you'll never leave where you are if you don't know where that is.
Accepting it means you've found a space to be who you are now without it meaning anything good or bad about you, right or wrong. You're giving yourself permission to start and be where you are.
The second way I notice resistance pop up is by resisting what could be / who you could be.
This is usually done by self-sabotaging.
You are doing things that keep you where you are because if you move forward you'll no longer be able to do that thing that you are comfortable doing, and have been doing for a while now. The thing you've built a relationship with in your everyday life, that your brain now thinks is helpful.
You'll know this is happening to you with personal style if you have those moments where it feels like you "fell off the horse", you dip back into wearing things that don't serve you because there is comfort and knowing in who you used to be.
OR may be you've been on a roll, really loving yourself and your body, and a negative comment or negative thought catches you off guard and you go into a downward spiral, dredging up all of the things you "hate" about yourself. Your brain wants you to remember who you have always been in the past so that it doesn't have to adjust to all of the unknown in the different future you want to create for yourself.
This resistance shows up the same as the first in the sense that you are waiting to wear the clothes you really want to because it is contingent on you looking/being different - being somewhere else, doing something else with your life, being someone else (your true self). The difference is that you want to be the new you, but the old you is so tempting.
With the first kind of resistance you feel lost and the focus is on being blind to who you are. With the second kind you know who you are, and you know what you want, but you feel pulled to not risk losing that old part of you (your safety net). Somewhere inside you that old habit, or way of thinking gives you a feeling of safety, and has you believing the same won't be possible with a new habit or way of thinking.
You'll notice sometimes you are accepting of the new you and all that you want to be, and some days you are not. The energy behind this resistance feels more like it's trying to "protect you".
Your mind is trying not to expand into what it doesn't know, the scary and unknown things that could come up along the way of being this new version of you.
It's like having a hot air balloon that is tied to the ground versus the one that is able to go wherever it wants.
If you want to be the balloon that gets to go wherever it wants you have to be willing to discover and cut whatever the tie is for you.
I personally think resistance is great if you allow it to show you what you may not be seeing. Resistance feels more frustrating and painful when it is left to fester.
If you are feeling resistance to something take a moment to write about it.
What is this about?
What am I actually resisting? Am I resisting what is? Or am I resisting what could be? Why?
Am I willing to let this reason hold me back? Or am I willing to step into acceptance to create the life I really want?
Find out what you are resisting and it might be easier to accept than you thought.
Sometimes it can still be hard. So when you want to hold onto the resistance ask yourself what the resistance is doing for you. Is it giving you comfort? safety? ease? Ask yourself how you can provide yourself those things through acceptance instead. Create comfort, safety, ease or whatever the resistance provides, in your acceptance so it doesn't feel like you are recklessly abandoning everything you know.
If you find comfort in not acknowledging your body, ask yourself how you can give yourself comfort in accepting it.
It doesn't mean you're going to accept your body this second, but maybe this looks like you creating comfort in a new and different way. You can do things like post-it notes all over your mirror that are simple reminders like acceptance, wholeness, honest, open, appreciation, etc. Do a social media cleanse, and then detox for a month. Try thinking about one nice thing about every person you see each day for a month, and then do the same for yourself. Do something small every day that just makes your body feel good, whether that is: dancing around your room, wearing your favourite cozy socks, giving yourself a hug, or meditating, etc.
Find what creates that feeling of comfort, safety, or whatever it may be within the resistance and create new ways to feel it with acceptance.
Love & Trust Yourself