Myths About Stylish Women
Today I wanted to dive into myths around stylish women, and common beliefs about why they are able to attain this status and simply be stylish, while someone who isn't or hasn't been in the past can't.
Trust me when I say, I have been here. Some of these beliefs are why I almost gave up entirely on figuring out what my own personal style was.
I was convinced that exceptional style was only for certain people, and that I would never quite reach that level of style I looked up to no matter what I did, or how hard I tried. Spoiler alert: this belief was a huge thing getting in my way of actually feeling as stylish as I thought other women were...
Here are some of the most common beliefs I see, hear, and discuss with clients that are believed to be the reason someone is stylish, that are actually myths, and are not necessary in order to be the amazingly stylish woman I know you can be.
Warning this is probably going to feel like a reality check, but it is going to help you chip away at beliefs that are not serving you when it comes to being a woman of style.
Myth 1: She probably looks good in everything and has never looked bad...
This one is pretty easy to dispel... We have no idea what someone else has been through, or what they've looked like their whole life. And even if they fit the mainstream beauty narrative their whole life, this does not equate to them actually feeling that way, or believing what you are believing about them, their whole life.
To play devils advocate, let's say she does look good in everything and always has, and she's never struggled with the way she looks in clothes (you and I both know this would be a very rare person to find). You could put a potato sack on her and be blown away by who good it looks. Why is this a reason for you not to be able to be a stylish woman? The majority of women are not going to feel like they look good in every single thing they put on. Someone else looking amazing in everything does not mean you don't get to look and feel good in many things. It is okay that you don't because it really helps you narrow in on what works for you and what your personal style really is.
Simply put, someone looking good in an outfit, does not equate to feeling good in that outfit, and it does not equate to that person feeling stylish, it equates to meeting a normalized beauty standard, which is still subjective.
Myth 2: She’s probably always been stylish (never had to figure out her personal style she was just blessed with it lol)
I will say I conveniently got to go through most of my most ridiculous outfits in high school when everyone is awkward but I still wear weird shit...
I also went through a phase where I really didn't know what my style was and I felt so lost simply trying to copy other women's styles hoping it would work for me.
This one makes me laugh because I have given an example of this before, but it's simply not true. If you want proof on an elite level all you have to do is google your favourite celebrity and what they wore on a red carpet in the early 2000's. You'll notice right away a lot of them are just wearing whatever was in at the time, and if you reference their style now you know there is no way they would wear that outfit again because it doesn't align with their style now.
Even celebrities are allowed and are constantly wearing things that are outside their comfort zone, and not aligned with their personal tastes, they are being photographed and discussed all over social media for the choices they make when it comes to what they wear. You don't have to worry about that when it comes to you transforming your closet and style.
The women that are not celebrities or influencers that are seen as stylish right now, may not have always been. Again the same things apply to this myth as the first one. Even if she has been stylish her whole life it does not mean you don't get to also be stylish now.
Myth 3: She always looks effortlessly put together like she doesn’t even have to try...
Spoiler: there is a lot of trying and intention that got her there.
Style is like any hobby, skill, job, or interest you have. It takes practise to get great at, and it requires laying the foundation and putting in the initial groundwork to actually get it off the ground.
Believing that someone magically fell into style will not serve you.
When I first decided that I wanted to really figure this out for myself instead of doing and trying a bunch of different things that didn't work for me (most notably trying to copy influencers, and brands to fit in) I look back now and laugh because I always had a little thing for weird little quirks in my clothes when I was younger, and I let that part of me slip away because I felt I needed to be someone that I wasn't.
The biggest thing that happened when I first started figuring this out for myself though was that there was a lot of beliefs that had to be unwound and let go of. There was a lot of self discovery, and trying to figure out what I actually liked because I was finally prioritizing me in the style equation.
Her looking effortlessly put together is a sign that it is possible for you to have the same experience with your personal style. It also shows that she knows what she likes and focuses on that, which is something that is completely possible for you as well. I didn't believe that for a long time, but when I started doing this work it became more and more clear every day.
Myth 4: I’d never be able to wear what she does, she’s so stylish...
Do you want to wear what she's wearing? I notice we look up to and glorify popular styles and the people that seem to embody them really well (think coastal grandma, old money, cottage core, etc...). I want you to ask yourself when you remove the person, and just think of the clothes do you still want to wear them? Do they make you feel excited and like you've found something that truly speaks to who you are and who you want to be?
If the answer is yes that is great! (if it's no move your focus to finding and noticing the clothes that actually do this, and really notice if you like the clothes not just the person wearing them). The next thing you need to do is start chipping away at the belief that you can't wear what she does because she is so stylish, and you are not.
Some of these statements/questions might help you get started:
If you really like the old money style for example (this screams chic, timeless, classy)...
Would you tell someone you love (friend/daughter/mother) that they can't wear that style of clothing just because they are not currently as stylish as the influencer wearing it?
Does holding this belief help you or get you any closer to being/feeling stylish?
Her wearing the thing shows you that it is possible for you to also wear the thing.
This style of clothing is not reserved or exclusive to one person, one body type, or one lifestyle.
Letting yourself wear the thing you're telling yourself you could never wear is as easy as putting it on or trying it on.
I know this can be scary because if you let go of the belief that you could never wear it and let it be possible for you to wear it, you are opening yourself up to your inner critic who could potentially berate you and tell you how horrible it looks on you.
If this is your fear, I want you to consider not letting this fear have so much control. It can still be with you, but I want you to invite hope or curiosity to join. I want you to consider that letting yourself wear the thing, try the thing, or experience it could go really well. The bonus of finding out is you take your power back, you allow yourself to fully experience style (and life), and you are now a full step closer to actually find out what works for you, and you no longer have to wonder what "could be" or wish it could be, you know and that feels so powerful.
Myth 5: She knows exactly where to shop, and the exact right things to buy.
A stylish woman has the confidence to shop anywhere. She is willing to try new stores, explore the world of fashion, and experience shopping with curiosity.
She does not have a special guide or knowledge that tells her exactly what to pick up from the stores she goes to. She knows what she likes, and what works specifically for her and her life, and notices those things.
She has done the ground work to know what matters to her when it comes to what she wears so she is in complete control of her own inner experience when she goes shopping.
The right places to shop, and the right things to buy is an idea pushed by media to get you to consume and conform.
The right place to shop, and the right things to buy are entirely dependent on what you love to wear and how you define your personal style. Even if someone were to tell you a great list of stores, or the right pieces to buy right now they still might not work for you.
You can know exactly where to shop, and exactly what to buy for you, you just need to sign up for 1:1 personal style coaching with me ;)! You can also know these things by taking the time to really figure out what you actually like and what matters to you when it comes to the clothes you wear, I just help you get there faster.
Let me know if you guys want me to dispel more of these!
Love & Trust Yourself