Judgement
If you feel like you are being judged when it comes who you are and what you wear but want to "not care" what other people think, this one is for you.
At one point or another we all feel like we are being judged by everyone, and that we can completely feel other people judging us.
What you are really feeling is the way it feels to be judged by yourself.
You cannot hear their thoughts, you can only hear and feel yours. If you think someone thinks you look bad, you are not feeling the pain of their words, you are feeling the pain of your own.
So when you feel like you are being judged by someone. Actually ask yourself what you'd be thinking if you saw yourself for the first time and didn't know anything about yourself.
Would you speak that poorly of her? Of someone else? Do you speak that poorly in your mind about other people? (If you do, or would, maybe it's time to clean that up.) OR would you objectively observe her? Maybe even pick out all the things you like about her?
I'm not going to pretend that as humans we don't all at one point or another people watch and observe what people are wearing, the way they look, what they are doing, and the way we think and feel about those things. We absolutely do.
The main difference I've noticed between when I have judged people in a negative way or thought poorly about someone I didn't know versus when I was just people watching is, when I was judging people in negative ways, I was having those same thoughts about myself or something in my life, and at the very least was in a negative mindset. Where as when I was simply people watching my brain was just seeing what people were wearing, what they looked like through my eyes, what they were up to, and being inspired, interested, or just noticing how unique we all are.
Of course we judge others here and there, it's an excellent sign to check in with ourselves, because it means nothing about them, and is entirely about us.
If someone has made a judgement about you out loud, it is a judgement, not a truth, not unless you believe it to be. And it is coming from their subjective view of the world. It's about them, not you.
You know your truth. You don't have to buy into someone else's belief about you.
If they do know you, and you know them well, talk about it.
If someone you know and love is verbally making judgements towards you, ask them why and how they are coming to that conclusion. Be curious.
- Side note, I am not talking about verbal abuse. If someone is verbally abusing you please seek help: ShelterSafe.ca / crisistextline.ca
• Alberta Council of Women’s Shelters: 1-866-331-3933
• Family Violence Info Line: 780-310-1818
• Abuse helpline: 1-855-4HELPAB (1-855-443-5722)
Have a conversation about it, but remember their judgement is not a guaranteed truth.
If their judgement is ringing true to you, do the work to find out what that means for you and what you want to do about it. Chances are it only stings so badly because you are already making those judgements about yourself or feel they are true, and it's time to find out why, and if you want them to stay.
PLUS friendly reminder!! Judgements aren't always bad.
We tend to see judgement with a negative connotation, and rarely notice and appreciate when someone thinks we have good judgement, or that they are judging you to be very kind, funny, or compassionate.
One of the best ways you can turn around judgement is by not judging others in a negative way.
Pick out everything you love about the way someone looks, the things they are doing, and the way they are in the world. We are all human, we have bad days, and we don't feel amazing all the time. But if you find yourself continuously passing negative judgement on others and it's leaving you feeling down all the time, try passing positive judgement instead.
Change the way you see things about others and you might notice you are simultaneously changing the way you see those things in yourself.
Love & Trust Yourself