Intellectually Understanding
Intellectually understanding, is not understanding.
Let me explain...
How many times have you told yourself you can’t wear something because it will make you look bad, heavier, attention seeking etc… and then said “I know that’s not necessarily the truth, but… it feels true…”
People come to me with stuff like this all the time :
"I know I shouldn’t think this thing, but I do..."
This ranges from "I know I shouldn’t hate my body but I do" / "I know my size shouldn’t bother me but it does" / "I should enjoy shopping but I don’t".
Thinking like this usually means we feel ashamed, defeated, or frustrated. Because when we think we should or shouldn’t but don’t… there is no where to really go.
You can intellectually understand that if you didn’t think the thing you’re thinking it would change the outcome and this feels like progress sometimes.. like ya ya I know what I need to do if I wanted to change this thing.
Then we silently sweep the thing under the rug until it gets yanked out into the light when we go to get dressed or go shopping again.
You cannot embody a new way of feeling, or feeling good in your clothes, feeling good in your body, or feeling good about yourself if you only intellectually understand that if you didn’t think the way you did things would change.
Knowing if you thought about something differently things would change is not the same as actually thinking differently.
One is like reading about how to do something, the other is acting out the thing you learned in the book. Only one creates an embodied understanding.
It’s very easy to maintain the thoughts you are in a habit of believing. You don’t even have to think about it.. You’ve probably created evidence for them, and even part of your identity around them. There is nothing scary or new about them, they are practically automatic.
Whereas more effort is required to actively practise thinking differently. And more vulnerability… an openness to actually change.
This is why we say “we know” but we don’t do. Because our brain is trying to protect us from what we don’t yet know even if it’s keeping us limited, or in a painful space that we wish we could change.
You have to make a choice between continuing to experience what you know or experiencing something new and not knowing what will happen except that it will be different.
SO... whenever you know you should or shouldn’t think something, but you do:
Drop the "should's" and "shouldn’t's" and start asking yourself how do I actually want to think and feel about this?
For example how do I actually want to think and feel about my body? My clothes? My capabilities? Myself? Write that shit down.
Really take a moment and think about what you actually want.
The truth is you’re allowed to think and believe that you can’t wear white, or that it’s not okay for you to be a certain size, or that you’re not capable of being stylish…
You just need to ask yourself, what does believing this do for me? And decide if it’s something you actually want.
You’re also allowed to think and believe you can wear white, it’s okay for you to be any size, and that you are capable of being stylish, and asking the same question.
You can try both on and compare the way they feel too and decide what you actually want to believe. This isn't do or die. You don't have to stick with one for the rest of your life, you just have to try them on.
And if you know you are believing something that you don’t want to but it feels so so true…
Start taking action by poking holes in that belief.
What if there is nothing wrong with that?
So what if I am that size? So what if I wear white? So what if I draw attention?
What if this wasn’t true?
How can you imagine another way?
Actually answer these questions!
Don’t intellectualize them by saying ya I know what the answers are, I just need to change..
give yourself the space and time to actually see your answers to these questions. You might be very very surprised as to what comes up for you.
Your answers and the changes you want are right here, but they require you to do more than just know what to do.
Make a clear choice for yourself today:
Yes I’m going to practise changing my beliefs, and therefore my results, or no I’m going to keep my beliefs and the current results they create for me.
Don’t tell yourself you know what to do and do nothing. Also don't tell yourself you don’t know what to do. Ask yourself what to do and have your own back. (I just gave you a bunch of questions to ask so you can find out what to do, don't let them go to waste!)
Side note: no amount of put together, perfect, nice outfits can control how other people perceive you and think about you...
The only thing we can control is our relationship with ourselves. And the only way to fully understand this is to actually practise letting go of controlling others and work on our relationship with ourselves.
Love & Trust Yourself