How To Overcome Personal Style Fears - Part 2
What are you scared of when it comes to personal style?
What stresses you out the most when it comes to getting dressed, going shopping, and trying new things on?
Here are some of the number 1 answers I get when I ask women what scares or worries them the most about personal style:
The fear of looking bad, foolish, or like they don't know what they are doing
The fear of wasting money
The fear of wasting time
The fear of putting in a bunch of work and not seeing any results
The fear of drawing unwanted attention
Worrying about comparison ("She does it better")
The fear of being stuck where you are, that this is as good as it gets
In part 1 we talked about how to overcome the fear of looking bad, wasting money, and wasting time.
Now, we are going to discuss the remaining four. And who knows, we may have to do a part 3,4,5... stay tuned and feel free to send me a message about any fears you want to have discussed here and on the podcast (you will be kept completely anonymous).
Let's get into it!
The first one we are talking about today is the fear of putting in a bunch of work and not seeing any results.
The biggest thing I noticed with this fear is it is usually centred around a lot of confusion.
You feel like you don't know where to start, there are a lot of options, and it feels like it is going to be difficult, and you feel like you aren't really going to know what you're doing the whole time, which makes it hard to notice if it is actually going well.
If this is something you are stressing about when it comes to personal style, I want you to ask yourself if what you are currently doing is giving you the results you want?
If you aren't sure, I want you to ask yourself what the results you actually want from personal style?
What do you want to see change or happen when it comes to your relationship with clothes and feeling stylish?
If you know what you want, and you are not getting it with what you are currently doing with your personal style... this just means that anything you do differently is not a bunch of work for nothing.
Every new step you take will help you get closer to what you really want.
The only way you will put in more work than necessary, or possibly not get any true results is if you don't know what you want and are trying random things with no direction.
Having a style goal immensely cuts down on unnecessary work because it makes it clear what you are after with personal style and you can take aligned action from that place.
You can learn how to create a style goal here, or work on your style goals with me through personal style coaching. Either way this one simple thing will alleviate the feeling of being lost, like nothing is working and never will. This one thing completely shifts your awareness around what you have to do to get the personal style and relationship with clothes that you really want.
When it comes to this next fear I'm going to give you a bit of a harsh truth, and ask you some tough questions, but they are worth answering for yourself I promise!
If you are someone who is worried about drawing unwanted attention with their clothes, whether you are worried that you will come across as fake or pretending to be someone you're not, or wearing something that you've been told in the past isn't meant for you, or maybe even being worried that people will think you are an attention seeker here is what I want you to do:
Ask yourself what is really important to you. Having other people think you are a fraud or that you've changed? OR You feeling like a fraud, wearing only what other people are comfortable seeing you in?
What is more important to you? Them being comfortable with your clothes, or you being comfortable with your clothes?
Ask yourself why it matters if people notice or what they think if you know you are simply being yourself.
Take a moment and journal about this, discover why you are actually scared of drawing unwanted attention. This awareness will help you see what is keeping you from wearing the things you really want and if it is something you want to change.
ALSO - Are you giving people the benefit of the doubt?
There is a really good chance that the people in your life could be really happy for you wearing what you really want to instead of being upset with you. There is also a really good chance they won't notice or care, but we like to make change mean things it doesn't have to.
If this is your fear when it comes to style though I want you to be clear with yourself today:
What is more important to you? Feeling free to actually be you or not? Because you are the only one that can actually give yourself permission to do this.
However, I promise you, you are allowed to wear whatever you want, and give yourself permission to whenever you want.
Next up is worrying about comparison.
It can be really easy to think things like "I wish I could pull that off the way she does." or "I wish I dressed as well as her/was as stylish as her.", and you probably already know that believing these things doesn't really serve you.
Not wearing something because you think someone wears it better will completely rob you of joy when it comes to clothes.
Personal style is not a competition, and it is a dream of mine to have everyone internalize this belief. Personal style is not about who wore it better, and it never will be. And if you want a great example of this, I highly recommend checking out someone like Katie Sturino on Instagram, she does something called #supersizethelook where she takes a celebrities' outfits and shows how she would wear it. The point is not who wore it better, but to show that anyone can wear anything they want to regardless of their body or size.
If this is something that keeps you from wearing things you think you'd like though I want you to imagine if you said this about anything else you like or like doing.
"I can't enjoy this pieces of cake, because she's enjoying it more."
"I can't do yoga because she is so much better than me, I'll never be as good as her."
"I shouldn't paint, play piano, bake, or do anything because someone else does it better."
Thinking you can't wear something because someone else "wears it better" is the same.
Also "wears it better" according to who? How do you define what makes it better?
I get it, social media makes it seem like a fashion competition for best dressed and that there is no keeping up with the people that do this for a living.
But the truth is there is NO competition.
YOU ARE WORTHY OF WEARING THE THINGS YOU LIKE.
It doesn't matter how someone else wears it or how someone else looks in it.
What matters is if you like it, which is the only reason you need, and the perfect reason to wear something. Remember that, and that you wouldn't stop doing something else you like just because someone else does it better or looks better doing it.
Lastly, we are going to cover what may be my favourite, the fear of being stuck where you are, that this is "as good as it gets".
The style rut episode on the style mindset podcast is a really good resource for you if this is the one you struggle with the most.
It helps you understand why you are stuck where you are with your personal style, and typically we fall into one of these three categories:
You're new/never tried to actually create your personal style on purpose.
You've entered a new phase of life and your wardrobe didn't keep up.
You've become complacent in creating/cultivating your personal style.
It is typically one or a combination of these things.
If you don't have time to listen to this episode or read the blog post, here is what I want you to know/do.
Don't let yourself be confused. Acknowledge why you feel stuck where you are, and make a decision if you want to stay where you are or if you want to discover your personal style and step out of the rut.
The truth that most of us don't want to hear, is that being in a style rut is a choice.
You always have the option to start creating new outfits with what you have, or going out and starting fresh creating the style you really want (there are options: clothing swaps, thrift store, trying new stores, etc).
You just have to decide it is what you want, to make a change. Then take as much aligned action as you need to get what you really want.
I will say, what is really interesting about this last one is it is usually a cover for one of the others.
So if you really feel like you are struggling to make the decision, ask yourself if anything else is scaring you or holding you back from creating your personal style.
A lot of the time we feel stuck and that this is "as good as it gets" because we cannot imagine spending the money or time on getting what we really want, or we are scared of looking foolish trying to get it, or we start comparing ourselves to people who have been on the journey for years already, and so on. I want you to notice if there is something hidden under the belief that your personal style won't/can't get much better. I'm always here to help you find out what is holding you back as well. That is what my consult calls are for.
If you discover it is one of the ones I have mentioned sitting underneath, you're not alone. Try doing the exercises or asking the questions I mentioned to help you work through the fear.
If it isn't one of the ones I mentioned or you want more help, send me a message and we can work on it together.
Love & Trust Yourself