Desire
Updated: May 13, 2022
We do things because we have a desire to do them. Whether they are "good or bad", and even whether they make us feel good or bad.
Sometimes we are not fully aware that it is the desire to do something that is fuelling the continuation of the things we do in our daily lives.
In this blog post I share how our desires can create our reality whether or not we are conscious of what the desire is, and how we can shift our desires if they are not truly serving or supporting us in creating the life we want.
My best examples of this I have touched on in a previous blog post about healing. The two biggest areas I have watched my desires shift from making me feel bad to good are related to my skin, and my clothes.
The biggest take away from all of this is that it’s only when I let go of a desire (whether it was in an instant or gradually over time), by desiring a different outcome more, that I noticed a shift.
Sheer will power rarely helped me to completely change my life.
I lost the desire to hurt my face, this is probably the most difficult shift I have gone through and at this moment am still going through. The only thing that has helped me truly overcome this is having a new desire that I truly believe in; which is my desire to have the time back that I waste over analyzing every detail on my face.
I think this one is fascinating because you'd think, it would be the desire to "have clear skin" that would be helping me let go of the desire to pick apart my face, or even "not experiencing the pain of it", but in my mind it was the desire to have my time back and use my time on things I care about more. The other part that helped was seeking out professional support and guidance, so that I could better support myself.
The reason I find this truly fascinating though is you may be struggling with something in your life that is driven by a desire you have, like wearing clothes that are comfortable but you don't actually feel good in, or eating unhealthy food because it is easier, etc. but what's driving those things is personal to you. The desire is coming from a specific thought process, which even though it may be a negative thought process, part of you enjoys having the desire become a reality, and it's usually one main underlying thing that is fuelling the desire that is personal to you.
If you are wearing clothes that don't feel good but are comfortable because you desire to be comfortable in your clothes, this desire may be driven by you thinking you simply desire comfort, but I highly encourage you to see if there is a different underlying reason.
I've had clients dig deeper only to realize their desire to wear their "comfy" clothes is driven by their fear of shopping, or fear of not being able to find clothes they like, only to feel disappointed, and many other reasons that are specific to them. There is a positive emotion tied into the negative that keeps us coming back to that negative desire. In these examples the "positive" emotion was usually a feeling of safety not just comfort.
My personal desire with my skin was the desire to have my skin feel smooth, even if that meant creating wounds all over my face, at least it wasn't "textured" when I touched it. I was operating from the joy I had when my skin felt smooth instead of bumpy. My mind was telling me that allowing the bumps to be there was not what was best for me.
Another desire I lost was eating only unhealthy foods, and I'm sure there are plenty of people out there that can relate to this one. And you might be wondering what does this have to do with clothes? What I was eating had me feeling physically weak, unwell, and tired, which then had an effect on the way I was getting dressed and the energy I had to put into my work.
For a long time I didn't realize that I had a desire to eat unhealthy out of convenience in the sense that it was easier to not take time to think about what I was eating and just eat whatever was available.
Once I did notice though I slowly and naturally gained the desire to eat foods that felt really good when I ate them. I don't have a goal to heal my gut or anything like that, I'm not trying to force healthy food down my throat. I simply noticed my desire to be in tune with how my body feels day to day has simply become stronger than my desire to eat conveniently.
Most of all and one of my favourite shifts was when I lost the desire to wear things that only feel meh to me.
This changed when I gained the desire to create the wardrobe of my dreams, when I decided I never wanted to feel like I was settling for an outfit or a piece of clothing again. I desired to be my full self every time I got dressed, and wanted to see and feel that more than I wanted an outfit to be just cute or comfortable, those things stopped being enough.
For the most part every time I lost a desire, it’s like I was simultaneously picking up a new desire on the other end of the spectrum that made the old habit fade naturally, which also happened because I was willing to truly let it go. I also never tried to force my way there.
I gained the desire to spend my time on more important things than over analyzing my face, which led to me truly gaining the desire of clear skin (I always wanted it but my desire to pick apart my face outweighed that).
I gained the desire to start eating healthier foods that made me feel well, clear, and energized.
I gained the desire to wear what I love whenever I want - to always feel good in what I wear from underwear to outfits for the grocery store or outfits for work.
I’ve watched this pattern repeat over and over. Sometimes you’re ready in a single moment of awareness and your desires shift just like that. Other times it takes practise. You aren’t always ready to let the desire go, but you can keep taking steps towards being able to.
These are the steps I use to truly identify my desires and shift them if they don't align with what I really want in my life:
Acknowledge that you actually desire what you’re doing, even if it has negative consequences.
Accept that, that is where you are right now.
Dive deeper into the root of the desire, asking yourself where the desire is really coming from.
Decide what you’d rather desire, and it doesn't have to be a clear opposite of what you currently desire. It could simply be the desire to do something else with time you're spending on the thing you wish you didn't do.
And lastly practise how you think you’d be if you already lived your life from that new desire. If you're already the woman that wears clothes that allow her to be her full self, the woman who doesn't settle for mediocre clothes, how does she get dressed, what does she wear, how does she shop?
You won't always see an immediate change when it comes to your desires just because you now know what's causing it and what you'd rather desire.
A new desire isn’t always an instant spark within you that captivates you so much so that you are instantly changed, it does happen, but sometimes a new desire can only take over because you took the time to build yourself up to it.
You’re going to fall back into the habit that was created by the desire you don’t want, it’s natural. Be kind to yourself and definitely celebrate all of the little moments where you are acting from your new conscious desires. Positively reinforce yourself.
What is a desire in your life that you'd love to shift into?
-
P.S. Sign up for our email list and you'll get our free guide! The 5 questions you need to ask if you have clothes that don’t fit, that you can’t part with that also bring you down every time you see them.
These questions will give you clarity so you can feel amazing about whether or not you keep or let go of something. Doing this exercise can give you immediate results without having to clean out your closet. It allows you to make intentional choices to improve how you feel about your wardrobe in the moment.
Love & Trust Yourself