Believing
If you are struggling with creating your personal style (nothing feels like it’s working).
The one thing you can focus on right now, that needs to change for you to stop feeling like nothing is working, is your beliefs.
If you are following a process, or you are simply just trying to dress better, but you are going into it feeling doubtful, or like it’s pointless and won’t work, it won’t.
This is the weird rule of law that seems to govern our lives, that if you don't believe it's possible, and you feel equally as bad about that belief, it will hold true for you.
You have to start telling yourself a different story about your personal style and yourself.
You have to start believing that it is possible for you to have personal style.
You have to start believing that it is possible for you to feel stylish.
This is one of the biggest things I help my clients with is shifting their beliefs to ones that serve them better, are intentional, and help them create a better life.
So how do you start shifting your beliefs? How can you start believing that having your own personal style is possible?
Here are some things you can start doing today:
1. You can start by making your current story just 10% better. You are reading this blog post after all! ( Only stylish people do that ;) ). You don't have to jump from 0-100 in terms of believing something is possible for you, but you can acknowledge that believing it is impossible is no longer helping you. Bridge the gap between impossible and possible with thoughts you actually believe. Some of my favourite are, "I am open to this being a real possibility", "How would I approach this if I already did have my own style", "What would (someone who's character inspires you) do/believe?", and "I'm going to find out if this is possible for me".
Think about your life from the perspective of how you want it to be, not from what currently is. (if we did this with food we would starve, we have to actually think about what we want to eat and be willing to cook it/get it in order to enjoy it and stay alive). There is so much power in thinking about the possibility of what could be, instead of feeling stuck in what is.
2. Which leads me to the second thing you can do! Acknowledge your own power and potential. Focus on your strengths and successes and affirm them. You don't even have to focus on personal style if you don't want to. Start by affirming your strength and successes as a person and see where that takes you. Changing the way you feel about yourself has incredibly positive effects on your style. It has the power to make anything seem stylish, because they way you carry yourself is what makes it so.
3. Practise gratitude. Spend time reflecting on the positive things in your life and the people who love and support you. I personally keep a journal by my bed and write 3 or more things I loved and appreciated about my day at the end of the day. They can be big or small, from breathing, to wearing your favourite pair of pants, or receiving amazing news. Having gratitude, especially for our clothes really puts into perspective that it's not really about just looking good or stylish for other people, but about actually feeling good in your clothes and appreciating the moments you do so that you can notice how to create more of them.
4. Surround yourself with positive people who uplift and inspire you. Use the internet and social media to your advantage. Follow and get inspired by people who look like you, or better yet a bunch of different people who all look different but who's style you like. This will show you that what you want is possible and is a great way to feel closer to making it possible in your life. Get on Instagram, Tiktok, or Pinterest right now and scout out some people who when you look at what they post you feel good. Unfollow anything that is making you feel stuck.
5. Take care of your physical, mental, and emotional needs. Your overall well being can create tremendous strides and growth with your personal style and your belief in yourself without you even having to focus on style specifically. It's the ripple effect.
6. Set an achievable goal (check out the free style goals guide in the members area) and recognize your progress. Celebrate the small wins and keep working towards the big picture. Instead of thinking that you’ll just never have your own personal style, ask yourself what it would feel like if you did and start focusing on how good that feels instead, taking action from there.
What I really want you to know is that, I have been there. I have looked up to people who I thought were incredibly stylish and felt like I would never attain that, and that was something I told myself over and over again. Meanwhile I was desperately trying to be and feel as stylish as I thought they were. Until I actually started believing in myself, and that what I wanted could be possible, nothing really changed and personal style did not feel good to me.
I finally realized that if I was seeing what I dreamed my style could be on someone else, that completely meant it was a real possibility for me too. My perspective changed.
Later on I also realized that I didn't even need to see someone else wearing the thing I wanted to for it to be possible for me. I see this example a lot, but I love it for showing that you truly don't need to know how or have proof that something is possible for it to be: for a really long time running a 4 minute mile was impossible. But then one guy did it in 1954, Roger Bannister, he didn't have anyone to show him it was possible he just had a belief driving him, telling him he could do what it took and that it was possible. The crazy thing is after he did it, many more people accomplished what was once considered impossible too.
You can take all the action steps in the world, you can do all the right things and take all of the steps someone tells you to when creating your personal style...
But unless you believe in yourself and your ability to create your own personal style you won’t see a closet full of clothes that you love hanging up in your closet.
It starts with believing that having your own personal style is possible, that you can be the woman who has her own impeccable taste in clothes, and feel stylish whenever she gets dressed.
Believing in possibility will help you see the changes you really want to.
I believe in you, you got this.
If you want help with changing your beliefs this is what personal style coaching helps you do. I help you believe that creating your style is a real possibility for you, book a free consultation with me to find out how.
Love & Trust Yourself