How to Feel Your Feelings
We talked about this last month in the post about increasing your confidence. Feeling your feelings lends to increased confidence, through your ability not to fear any feeling you may encounter when you are experiencing new things or things outside of your comfort zone. Instead you allow them.
This week I wanted to take a deep dive with you on not only what feeling your feelings means, but exactly how to, and how it will change your life beyond increasing confidence.
The amazing list of things that happen when you allow yourself to feel your feelings is continuously something I notice growing - from increasing self confidence to building trust in yourself, to actually being able to get out of your head and connect with your body. There are so many reasons to do learn how to do this, and the actual how part is so easy! All it requires is a willingness to feel a vibration in your body. When you are willing to feel any vibration in your body your life becomes so much easier because you spend less time avoiding things and emotions out of fear of failure, rejection, shame, or even not wanting to experience positive emotions in front of others out of worry that it's not fair to do so. Feeling your feelings is incredibly empowering, and allows you to live your life more clearly because you are more aware of exactly what emotion is leading to the actions you take and why.
1 of 4 things can typically happen when we are experiencing an emotion:
Thinking about it:
This is very normal and looks like intellectualizing what’s happening, trying to explain it, or even shift into a positive mindset.
Acting on it:
Looks like anything from crying because you’re sad and laughing because you’re happy to putting on leggings because you’re frustrated.
Avoiding it:
Avoiding a feeling looks exactly like it sounds, typically taking action to get away or out of feeling something you don’t want to.
Allowing it (what feeling it actually looks like):
Allowing it means feeling the emotion in your body, allowing it to be there and letting it dissipate on it’s own.
Allowing your feelings can unlock so much for you in your life that only thinking about, acting on, or avoiding them cannot.
When I first learned how to feel my feelings it was through a program that's now called get coached at the life coach school, and then took an even deeper dive when I certified through the school too. The key thing that is a major light bulb moment for most people is that our thoughts create are feelings, not our circumstances, and ultimately we can choose how we feel by choosing intentionally how we want to think about any situation. However this post is not about your beliefs, or thoughts, it's about your feelings, and acknowledging that any emotion is safe to feel, and that emotions are not bad, and don't mean anything about you as a person whether they are negative or positive. We are human and we experience a wide range, which is a truly beautiful sign of living. (Disclosure this does not apply to those struggling with emotions out of their control related to mental health). With that said, I wanted share the exact questions they shared or asked to help students and me to get in touch with what I was actually feeling so that you could easily learn HOW TO feel any emotion instead of just avoiding, thinking about, or acting on them. I also shared some fun ones that I've added as I've learned how to feel a wide range of emotions that all feel incredibly unique to me.
LCS Questions:
1. What are you feeling now?
2. Where is this feeling in your body?
3. What colour is this feeling?
4. Is this feeling hard or soft?
5. Is this feeling fast or slow?
6. How does this feeling make you want to react?
7. Why are you feeling this?
Questions I like to ask:
Is this feeling expansive or constricting?
Is it tingly or bursting?
Is it light or heavy?
When I identify what this feeling is, is this something I try to avoid feeling or that I allow?
Is it something I am willing to allow while I live my life knowing that emotions are temporary?
(Emotions can come in waves but will not last all day long for days on end, you will experience other emotions throughout your day too).
You can come up with additional questions that help you get more in touch with the emotions you experience and they way you personally experience them as you go.
Although being able to feel negative emotions is incredibly helpful the exercise I want to recommend is this: Embodying Joy
Discovering exactly what this feels like in your body. The next time you notice you are feeling particularly happy, ask yourself these questions to get to know joy in your body:
Where am I feeling the vibration of joy in my body?
Does it feel fast or slow? Intense or soft? Expansive? Tingly?
What colour is it?
Would I label this vibration as joy?
Completely unlock this emotion so that you notice it around small things and big things. Also notice that like all emotions it’s temporary, we cannot hold a tight grip but we can experience them fully and see what they have to tell us about ourselves.
The next time you notice you feel joy or really happy about something - you’re going to sit in it but not think about it or act on it and answer these questions, your main focus being experiencing what the vibration of joy is like in your body.
Bonus, pick any emotion you want to start experiencing more of, identify it for the first time clearly and then notice and allow yourself to feel that feeling to it's fullest each time you notice it so that you can enjoy it even more in your life.
Another thing I would recommend is:
Starting to notice if the emotions you think are happening in your body are actually what you believe they are. When you are feeling frustrated, excited, nervous, or upset, pause and connect with your body and the vibration you are feeling and ask the above questions to check in and see if that is what the emotion really is - this will allow you to identify your emotions more clearly and unlock what they are actually trying to tell you.
For example, you may think you are just upset about something - your clothes not fitting, but if you connect with how you are feeling about your clothes not fitting you might notice the real emotion is more like shame, disappointment, or annoyance - all of which will tell you very different things about what you are actually experiencing and can help you navigate it more clearly.
Love & Trust Yourself