Feeling Seen
Have you ever felt like someone you really cared about was completely ignoring you?
I was having this happen recently and spiralling in my own sadness, making their avoidance of me mean so many horrible things about myself.
I even had the thought, "I know I love and respect myself so why is it bothering so much that it seems like this person is ignoring me?" "It's not like I ignore myself so why does this feel so horrible?"
It was the second thought that made everything click...
Normally, no I don't ignore myself or my inner callings (emotions, thoughts, intuition, whatever you want to call it), but in that moment I was soooo focused on how they were ignoring me, that I was ignoring me. I was completely avoiding myself, focusing on them and what they were doing/thinking, wondering why they weren't communicating with me.
I know how to make myself feel seen, I know how to listen to my inner wisdom.
But in that moment I realized how easy it can be to not see when we have disconnected from ourselves.
My emotional alarm was going off trying to tell me that this was not in alignment for me, and thank god it was because my brain was starting to convince myself that I was worth ignoring / avoiding.
This is also why I believe it is so important to notice how you are aligning emotionally and not just in your mind. Because I was fully believing every horrible thought my brain was feeding me, and I was able to catch the lie through self coaching, but the only reason I was even able to sense that I needed to self coach was because of the horribly misaligned feelings I was having.
You may have experienced something like this, wishing the person who is avoiding you would just see you, or make you feel seen, and like a priority, while simultaneously making yourself second to them.
Maybe you have even made this now version of you second to the past version of you, and your focus is on getting back to where you once were.
Whichever one you're experiencing, if you feel like you don't feel seen, or like it is difficult to acknowledge who you are right now in this moment. Whether that is by refocusing on your current self instead of your past or someone else, or something as simple as being able to look in the mirror and not focus on being a person you currently are not... This post is going to share how you can make yourself feel seen at anytime.
It is really simple to, I've already shared the secret!
So if you want the TLDR on how to make yourself feel seen at anytime:
When you are wishing you felt seen, and you are having negative emotions, it's you're sign that you are not focused on seeing and focusing on the person you are right now. Whether it is because you are focused on a past version of yourself, someone else, or the person you think you have to be to worthy of love. She is right there, already worthy, all you have to do is choose her, and focus on being with her as she is. That's it.
If you want a more in depth step by step on this, let's go!
The biggest thing with this is awareness, and where coaching is truly exceptional is being able to see that you are not focused on yourself and point it out to you, (because let's be honest, it can be really hard to see through our own shit sometimes) and at the end of the day you are actually the only person that can make yourself feel seen because feeling seen comes from you feeling like you are being focused on. So if you are focusing on why someone else isn't focused on you, or a past version of yourself it is pretty hard to feel seen.
A really good sign as I mentioned that you are not focusing on yourself is that you feel horrible. I like to think of it as a draining sadness, like it's just sucking away your present moment.
If you are noticing this feeling, it's your internal alarm trying to tell you that you feeling unseen is not in alignment with what you are actually capable of, which is feeling seen. It's the alarm trying to tell you that you don't feel seen because your focus is not on yourself.
It's trying to tell you that you have the power to be seen, and loved, and you are withholding these things from yourself.
Once you notice this feeling, then you can notice what you are thinking and where your focus is.
From there you get to consciously decide if that is where you want your focus to be.
There isn't a right or wrong choice here.
For a moment when I realized I was fully focused on this other person I was really in it, I was upset with them, and I really wanted them to just see me (acknowledge me). However, because I knew I was feeling unseen by focusing on them, I eventually leaned into returning to focusing on myself and my day. Don't get me wrong, I still popped in and out of focusing on them, but I was aware of it and able to come back to myself each time, instead of making my worth depend on them communicating with me. I also didn't want my emotions to be dependent on them, it felt powerless.
You may experience this when you are learning to focus on the current version of yourself instead of the old you too. It is easy to fall back into focusing on older versions of ourselves, especially with rose coloured glasses. My tip with the past is to always remember that it can be easily tinted with rose coloured glasses. So, if it is feeling more desirable, but you want to be in your present more, starting being more objective about what actually was happening in your life at that time, and how your past really was. Also know that you aren't meant to stay the same your whole life.
The next step is to just keep practising coming back to yourself.
Find your tells, whether it be your emotional alarm, or you acting differently in certain parts of your life, or even towards other people you love. Once you know them, gently come back to focusing on yourself, and making yourself feel seen simply by asking yourself what you can do for you in this moment.
This takes practise, but it is something that will completely change your life. It gives you your power back AND shows you that you are worthy of being and feeling seen at all times, as you are.
This has nothing to do with how much you love yourself, and everything to do with where you are choosing to place your attention. You don't need to love yourself more, you just need to be able to see when your focus is somewhere else, and decide where you want it to be on purpose.
Love & Trust Yourself