What if you got up in the morning, stood in front of your clothes, and just felt good, like reeeeaaaally good? I'm talking about the kind of feeling where you're freaking pumped just to be standing in front of your clothes. You feel so good about your clothes, you wish there was background music playing so that you could have a mini dance party in the outfit you are about to so effortlessly throw on.
Sound like a fairy-tale movie scene? For a lot of women, it usually does.
One of the most common phrases I hear between working with women on personal style, and talking with my family and friends is, "I have nothing to wear." or "I have a closet full of clothes, and nothing to wear." or some other iteration of the same problem.
And I get it, I've been there, staring at what feels like a dark abyss for longer than I'd care to admit. Eventually just giving up and throwing on my favourite go to "lazy girl" outfit. You know the one, it could use some serious work, probably involves leggings or jeggings that could really use a wash, considering how much more they are worn compared to the rest of your wardrobe... Or is that just me? Anyway, my point is, I've been there, and it sucks, and that go-to outfit seemingly makes it suck a little less, while simultaneously reminding you, you have nothing else to wear.
Below is an exercise for you all to try out, and you can do it today!
All it involves is two questions that can only be answered by you. Don't worry about what anyone else in your life would do or think, this is only about you. I also want you to know that it's okay to take the time for yourself, to read and work through these 2 questions alone. Re-visit them if you need to too! If you have a journal or piece of paper available, definitely get it out and write them down as well as your answers.
We will start here: Let's imagine you have ALL the clothes in the world, instead of nothing, you have EVERYTHING imaginable to wear; your closet is infinite and never ending - seriously close your eyes, and just imagine what this would be like if this were actually true in your life today, at this very moment. Everything else is still the same, but you now have the ability to wear anything you want.
My first question for you is:
1. Now that you have a closet filled with EVERYTHING you could ever want, what are you picking out to wear as your first outfit?
Write down or think about whatever it is that first comes to mind.
If you’re struggling to think of what you would wear or went right back to your go-to outfit or even a similar variation of that outfit (maybe an updated or more expensive version), you’re not alone. Even though you hypothetically now have EVERYTHING you could possibly ever want to wear available to you, the problem remains the same. WHY?
The idea that we have nothing to wear even though we have plenty of clothes, is usually a problem that goes much deeper than what’s on the surface. It doesn’t help that most of us joke about it like it isn’t really a problem either. The truth is this problem will never be solved no matter how regularly you purge your closet or buy what’s current and trendy. If you still feel like you have nothing to wear, even when you had everything you could possibly imagine available to you, I want you to consider the next question.
2. Am I buying and wearing clothes for myself? Or, am I buying and wearing clothes for others?
Yeah, I know, that one is kind of a gut punch if your instant reaction isn’t that you do it for yourself, because that most likely means you are buying and wearing clothes for others; for their joy, experience, and judgement. Whether others are your family, friends, significant other, colleagues, or even society and strangers, it can be easy to buy and wear clothes for them instead of yourself without even noticing that you are doing it.
I know, you’re probably thinking, “Great, now I feel even worse about this.”. I want you to know that this process is not meant to knock you down, or make you feel shame, it’s meant to make you aware of what is actually happening:
YOU HAVE NOTHING TO WEAR BECAUSE YOU ARE NOT WEARING CLOTHES FOR YOURSELF, YOU’RE WEARING THEM FOR OTHERS.
And you know what? That’s okay. It’s okay to be aware that this is happening or has been happening for a long time. It’s okay, because now you have an opportunity to change, and to take steps towards buying and wearing clothes for yourself.
I know that for some, this wasn’t easy to read, visualize, or write about, but if you’re here, and read this far, that means you’re either my mom, or you’re looking to take the next step towards becoming your highest self, and I’m so proud of you for working through this and deciding to just start.
So, I saved a surprise for all of you that made it to the end!
Here are 3 things you can do right now to start buying and wearing clothes for yourself!
1. Think of three words you want to use to describe who you want to be. Three words that describe how you want to show up for your life. Write them down, set them as alarm reminders on your phone throughout the day, or even your phone background. Buy and wear clothes that specifically align with those words.
How I do this: I like to think about how a future me would be described by myself right now. So, my three words, that I am currently using, but are what I am striving for in my future are: enriched, fun, and peaceful. I want my wardrobe to align with those words, because that means my wardrobe will align with who I want to become, and possibly help me get there even faster.
Side Note: These words can change as much as you want or need them too. I have had many different combinations. Some have served me really well, some not so much. I am constantly changing my words to align with where I want to go, because life happens, and we are changing all the time.
2. Really think about what your day to day life looks like. What do you do every day, and does your wardrobe align with that? Literally write down what you do daily, go to your closet, and see if what you own actually makes sense in your life based on what you actually do.
An example of this is someone who keeps buying high maintenance clothes that need to be dry cleaned and ironed, but their life is so busy between work, family, friends, etc. that they never have time to go to a dry cleaner or iron their shirts.
3. Think about what you want to do over the course of the next year. Write it down. What do you need to start wearing to support yourself in the pursuit of your goals and ambitions over the next year? Use your clothes as a positive physical reminder of what you are capable of doing and accomplishing for yourself. Use clothes to show up for this future version of you, and to be a positive example for the people you connect with and lead.
Thanks for reading another Heart & Sole Style Blog Post.